Quote: Make a life by giving

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30withMeaning, giving, inspire, life, meaningful, Norman MacEswan, Quote, relevant

Norman MacEswan,

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Reblog: Generosity and Empathy

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30withMeaning, action, community, connect, empathy, generosity, give, inspire, learn, meaningful, nonprofit, philanthropy, real, relationships, relevant, research, Sasha Dichter, serve, volunteer

This post really struck me today. If you didn’t know already, my friend Amber Recker and I talk about the “action” of generosity over at ContagiousCommunity. We all need encouraged to “do” and this post caused me to think about the (lack of) power of empathy.

Also, watch ContagiousCommunity tomorrow for my post on Sasha’s Generosity Experiment. I think you’ll enjoy it and be challenged even more. I was.

What makes you “do”?

Generosity and empathy

Posted on September 30, 2011 by Sasha

David Brooks wrote a powerful column on Friday, a mini-diatribe against empathy.  Apparently, empathy education is all the rage, the premise being that exposure to others’ difficult situations will lead to more right and moral action.

The catch, says Brooks, is that it doesn’t actually work.  Empathy alone does not get people to engage in moral action when there’s a cost to taking that action.  Worse, empathy alone may give one the sense that one is attuned to problems without having to do the hard work of acting to make a difference.

Nobody is against empathy. Nonetheless, it’s insufficient. These days empathy has become a shortcut. It has become a way to experience delicious moral emotions without confronting the weaknesses in our nature that prevent us from actually acting upon them. It has become a way to experience the illusion of moral progress without having to do the nasty work of making moral judgments.

Tough words indeed.

While empathy alone is, apparently, flaccid in its ability to illicit action, a burst of good feeling does produce changes:

In one experiment in the 1970s, researchers planted a dime in a phone booth. Eighty-seven percent of the people who found the dime offered to help a person who dropped some papers nearby, compared with only 4 percent who didn’t find a dime.

Brooks implies that this is a short-term effect, and what drives sustained action isn’t feeling alone but some code (moral, ethical, religious, military) on the part of the actor.

So here’s the generosity reflection: I’d argue that being wildly, inappropriately generous has two potential effects, if you’re open to them.  The first is short-term, a kind of giddy euphoria that washes over you when you’re generous.  That may lead directly to more right action.  And the second (drip, drip, drip, over time) is an integration into one’s “code” (whatever it is, and wherever it comes from) of generosity as a core operating principle, an integral part of how we describe ourselves to ourselves.

Plus, I like the fact that it’s about action.  We talk so much about what we need to do, and talk is inevitably cheap.  The only way I’ve found to really change my behaviors is by actually changing my behaviors.

First Photo

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30withMeaning, baby, first photo, mom, moms, mother, Parkview, Parkview Hospital

My Mom and I

#10 – love the one you’re with

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30withMeaning, relationships

Who do you just love to love? Why not spend some time with them doing what they love most? One of my most favorite people in the whole world is my Pawpaw. Unfortunately, he passed away in October 2009 and I don’t get to spend any more time with him.

However, some of my favorite memories growing up is when I was with him, just hanging out in the garage while he worked or on the pier while he fished or walking around a car auction just to be next to him. I can still smell the garage, hear the water and feel the gravel under my toes.

Now, do I love to work on cars, fish or look at auctions, not really (although I grew to), but I know how much these times meant to me and he told me often how much he treasured our time as well. Make the time. You’ll treasure it and so will the person you love.

Original Post: Spend time with someone you love – simply doing they love best – because you love them.

How much did you love spending time with someone you love? What meaning did you create?

#30withMeaning: love the one you’re with

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30withMeaning, relationships

Who do you just love to love? Why not spend some time with them doing what they love most? One of my most favorite people in the whole world is my Pawpaw. Unfortunately, he passed away in October 2009 and I don’t get to spend any more time with him.

However, some of my favorite memories growing up is when I was with him, just hanging out in the garage while he worked or on the pier while he fished or walking around a car auction just to be next to him. I can still smell the garage, hear the water and feel the gravel under my toes.

Now, do I love to work on cars, fish or look at auctions, not really (although I grew to), but I know how much these times meant to me and he told me often how much he treasured our time as well. Make the time. You’ll treasure it and so will the person you love.

Original Post: Spend time with someone you love – simply doing they love best – because you love them.

How much did you love spending time with someone you love? What meaning did you create?

Share with others on:

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30withMeaning, connect, facebook, meaningful, relationships

#9 – facebook friends

Tell each of your Facebook friends why they are your friend. This could be a challenge if you can’t think of something for some people, but if you use the definition of a friend as someone that creates meaning in your life, why does a Facebook ‘friend’ differ?

What meaning did you create for you and your friends?

#30withMeaning: Facebook Friend Challenge

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30withMeaning, community, connect, facebook, generosity, inspire, love, lovecat, meaningful, real, relationships, relevant

#9 – facebook friends

Tell each of your Facebook friends why they are your friend. This could be a challenge if you can’t think of something for some people, but if you use the definition of a friend as someone that creates meaning in your life, why does a Facebook ‘friend’ differ?

What meaning did you create for you and your friends?

Share with others on:

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30withMeaning, 8, YLNI

#8 – YLNI Involved

You could say I’m biased about this organization, but seriously. If you’re looking to get involved, make a difference and be connected in Northeast Indiana – this is where you need to be.

Did you find meaning through this?

#30withMeaning: YLNI Involved

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30withMeaning, community, connect, Fort Wayne, nonprofit, real, relationships, relevant, YLNI

#8 – YLNI Involved

You could say I’m biased about this organization, but seriously. If you’re looking to get involved, make a difference and be connected in Northeast Indiana – this is where you need to be.

Did you find meaning through this?

#6 – put thoughts to paper

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30withMeaning, blog, ideas, journal, meaningful, share

Wow, whenever I’ve thought about journaling or blogging, I’m overwhelmed by the idea. Maybe it’s the time commitment. Maybe it’s the fear that I don’t have anything to say. However, when I’ve actually stepped up and done it, I’ve loved it.

One of the most meaningful parts of this exercise is going back to read journals from the past. I’ve learned so much. I’ve grown from the person I was. While the experience of journaling was meaningful as I did it, I’ve actually received even greater meaning looking back.

Treat yourself now and the person you’ll become in 1, 5 or 10 years.

Original Post: Start a journal or a blog. (Not because you think someone will read it or you care what they will think. Do it for yourself.)

How was this exercise meaningful to you?